also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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