today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
