why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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