last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
