the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
