guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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