if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
