Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
