I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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