hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
