I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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