Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
