I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
