just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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