Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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