I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
