yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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