Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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