when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
