i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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