dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
