I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
