forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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