So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
