i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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