Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
