Buhtt sex?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
