when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
