Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
