i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
