Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
