fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
