so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
