It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
