this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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