My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
