If that was your dad, he is hot
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
