I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
