"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just wanna soil my oats bro
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
