I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
