I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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