If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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