yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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