I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
