all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
