he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
