It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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