I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
