he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
