u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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